Christian One Liners

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A list of useful, humorous Christian one-liners, adages, and pithy statements. Great for a laugh, Bible study, or sermon illustration.

Update September 2019: I’ve created quote and Bible memes that I share on my Instagram page and, eventually, post to this site.

In the United States today, we live in a world of catch phrases, soundbites, and bumper-sticker ethics. While such a system has many drawbacks, it does allow people to get a hard-hidding point quickly. In light of the soundbite culture, here’s a collection of humorous statements that hopefully, hit close to home.

  • Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
  • When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
  • People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
  • If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
  • God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
  • Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
  • Peace starts with a smile.
  • I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?!
  • A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises.
  • We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
  • Be ye fishers of men. You catch them; He’ll clean them.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
  • Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
  • Forbidden fruits create many jams.
  • God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called
  • God grades on the cross, not the curve.
  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”
  • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!
  • Prayer: The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
  • The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
  • We don’t change the message, the message changes us.
  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
  • The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.
About John L. Rothra
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