As I pulled into work this morning, the song “Open Book” by Petra was playing. I sat there for a moment and listened to the lyrics of the chorus:
Open book – to You I am an open book
You know every page by heart
From the ending to the start
Bob Hartman, through those lines, reminded me that God knows every aspect of my life. He knows every action I’ve ever taken. He knows every word I’ve ever spoken. He knows every thought I’ve ever had cross my mind regardless of how fleeting.
Not only does God know my whole past, he knows my every present and future action, word, and thought.
I meditated on this reality for a moment and was simultaneously saddened and uplifted.
God Knows Our True, Sinful Selves
Psychologists, therapists, and counselors try to help us know ourselves better. Yet, however well we may think we know ourselves, God knows us even better.
Petra’s song reminded me that God knows every sin I’ve ever committed and every sin I will commit in the future. God is fully aware of every time I have a sinful desire, thought, word, or deed. With God, there are no secrets: he knows it all!
The more I consider all the sins God knows I commit each day, the more I realize how much of a sinner I really am. Truly, I have fallen short of God’s glory. Very short!
No matter how many good things I’ve done or will do in my life, I’m far from perfect.
The same goes for each one of us. We all have done, are doing, and will do all sorts sinful things. Each of us – you and me – are guilty. We deserve punishment. We are not worthy in and of ourselves to be in the presence of God.
Despite this reality, knowing that God has read my entire life’s book gives me hope.
God Forgives Those Who Repent of Their Sins
While the first part of the chorus reminded me that God is fully aware of my depravity, the second half reminded me of God’s grace:
Open book – my life is like an open book
As I read between the lines
It’s your love that truly binds this open book
God knows the true, sinful me. God also knows the forgiven me. Despite my countless sins, God still loves me, Jesus’ blood still pays for my sins, and his resurrection still grants me a new way of living.
As I listened to the lyrics, I remembered that while I may be a wretch, God forgives all those who repent in faith in Jesus. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I believe he rose from the dead and confess that he is Lord.
Despite my sinfulness, I know that I am forgiven by God through the blood of Jesus. And I believe God knows that, too!
Oh, what joy and hope this brings to my heart and soul!
I don’t know how God will use me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be back in the pastorate or return to academia (though both are tempting, especially the latter). I do know this: I want to be used by God.
Quite often I don’t feel worthy of being used by God for his purposes. In fact, I know that none of us are. I also know that when I felt worthy, it was a sign of my own pride.
So, while I am where I am, I hope and pray God uses this forgiven sinner for his glory and his evangelistic mission. I hope God will overcome (or use) my introversion to help other Christians know, show, and share the gospel. I hope God works through me to reach non-believers with the gospel. I pray and hope that he uses me to help my wife and kids know Jesus more.
Only God knows how he’ll use me because God knows me better than anyone.tGod